Partner in crime: Montrose beach
Drink of choice: Water, surprisingly
Now look, I’m not the worst looking gal. I have, however, never thought to myself “I would like strangers to know what my upper thighs look like.” UNTIL NOW. BLAM. I’m 29 years old and it’s time to stop being upset about the bod I have. (Which, as I said, is in no way the worst). It’s time to stop thinking that every person on the beach is looking at me (as if anyone. anyone. cares.) and thinking “Meh.”
And I tell you what, folks. Being under the sun in basically no clothes is AWESOME. Wind on shoulders and sand on hips and backs of necks, hot sun getting to that place right below your rump? Quite literally the greatest thing ever. So that’s where I’ll be for the next 4 months. One day I may even get brave enough for pics.
#SUMMER2012 (get in here, Twitterverse)
Adventure #7: Visit a state park
Partner in Crime: Brea Hayes
Drinks of choice: Various beers, various wines, wine SLUSHIES
Here’s what’s awesome about state parks. They’re free. They’re in the woods. The surrounding towns don’t have Starbuckses. Brea and I needed a break from the city (see previous post) so we rented a car like a couple of goddam grownups and drove 90 minutes out of Chicago to Starved Rock.
What I loved: The endless supply of homemade fudge at the gift shop. The huge tree growing completely sideways out of the riverbank (we stood on it, it was sweet). The lady at the gift shop who was shy and unemotional until we wanted to try the wine slushies, to witch she responded ‘Oh my Godddd, they are soooooo goooooooooood’. The hot tub and sauna at the lodge. The carved wooden bear totemseverywhere. The abundance of middle-aged bikers in leather chaps. The omelet bar at breakfast. Two days with my bestest talking about everything except work.
What made it… special: That place was crow.ded. The weather was perfect which I think meant that every single family from the suburbs was there. The food that was almost delicious but had at least one obviously canned ingredient in every meal. The weirdo 10 year old kid who gawked at Brea and I in our swimsuits for what seemed like an hour.
All in all, a fucking great weekend out of the city. Next time? We go someplace that’s nowhere.
What the fuck just happened for the last two months? I’m not the type to renege on commitments, but I have been very careless with this.
Here’s what I learned: I have two jobs that I really love. One pays my bills, the other is the reason I still have a soul. They take up a lot of my time, which is in many ways satisfying. But for a few months I was so overworked that I was ready to toss it all and run away to Mexico. Not even the beaches. The lonely places where no one wants to know your name or wants anything from you other than your American dollars and/or 1998 Toyota transmission.
I learned that any situation that means I don’t have a few hours once a week to do something for myself is not worth it. (I’m not kidding. No grocery store, no sleep. I was hauling laundry to work in a duffel bag just to have clean underoos.)
I’m never not going to have a batshit crazy schedule. But adventures are simply non-negotiable. 48 to go. Let’s get busy.
Adventure #6: Cut the top off a bottle of champagne with a MOTHERFUCKING SWORD
Partner in crime: Josh Anderson
Drink of choice: (pre) Wine & Whiskey (post) Champagne. Can you still hear the hangover?
I want you all to know that I’m a goddamn pirate now. This 100% awesome and totally unplanned adventure is all thanks to Josh who knew I missed an adventure last week and made this shit happen at 10pm on a Thursday.
There’s video, so I really don’t have to explain this one. I would just like to acknowledge how dumb my dumb voice sounds after wine & whiskey at 11pm in the cold. I hope I don’t actually talk like that every day. If I do I really need you guys to tell me because I’m gonna have to figure something else out. I would also like to apologize for the pseudo-Julia Roberts laugh at the end there. Again: wine/whiskey
Lastly, I highly recommend doing this. It’s ridiculous and baddass and you get champagne any time you try it. There was one helluva headache to attend to when I woke up at 5:30am for work, but I’d do it again like, now.
Adventure #5: Go to the laundromat
Partner in crime: Ike Holter (surprise!)
Drink of choice: Coffee
Holy crap, I love the laundromat. I always thought I was so lucky to have laundry in the building, but I may never use it again. The washer here is old and crummy (so is the floor in my apartment, the kitchen cabinets, and the bathroom sink, but the place is cheap and massive and I’m never moving ever), and it takes like 2 hours to wash one load. Hence, the laundromat. That place is amazing. I love it the way I love the airport and commuting on the train: it’s alone time with other people.
The best things from my mere hour and a half:
1. Running into a friend. Neither Ike nor I had ever been to the Washing Well before, and happened to be there at the same time. We traded theatre gossip and talked about how drunk we’re going to get tonight, and then he rollerbladed away with a smile.
2. The old black woman watching the figure skating on TV with the deepest, warmest smile on her face. It was the kind of smile usually reserved for the pride of seeing someone you dearly love accomplish something great. I’d like to believe that was the case.
3. The young couple who sat on the machines and talked and smiled in that way that you know they’ve just recently fully fallen in love.
I can’t wait until my clothes are dirty again.
Adventure #4: Eat a cheeseburger
Partners in crime: Andrew Swanson, Pat Whalen, Marti Lyons
Drink of choice: Whiskey. I don’t even know what kind.
Here’s what I learned. I don’t really like meat. I mean bacon is salty, and chicken is good protein. But like, seafood is disgusting, and beef just kind of tastes bland and greasy. I got a bacon cheeseburger from Moody’s Pub up on Broadway, cause Andrew was all “That’s a good burger. You want that burger.” So I was all ready to have my mind blown, but I mean… it was just some meat. And it made my stomach feel all crampy. Don’t get me wrong, I was proud of myself and it did taste good. It just didn’t taste great. But now I know that I’m not missing out on something that I would really really like.
You know what I can get down on? Indian food. That shit is delicious.
Adventure #3: Play in the snow
Partners in crime: Brea Hayes, Josh Anderson
Drink of choice: Dewars, Gossamer Ale
Okay, see, I’m from Houston, Texas. Snow as a foreign concept is so ingrained in me that even after 6 epic Midwest winters it still confuses and amazes me. Like, there are different kinds of snow? It can be too cold to snow?? I mean what the fuck is that.
My Friday night did not go at all like I planned. Brea and I had tickets to see some amazing and talented friends in the closing weekend of the Hypocrites’ Pirates of Penzance. I drove to work that day, and on the way in WBEZ’s Sarah Jindra told me to expect snow. No biggie, I’ve driven in snow before, I can do it again. I get out of work at Ontario and State just before 5pm and head out to meet my best friend at Chicago and Milwaukee. It’s less than a mile and should take 10 minutes tops, depending on traffic. I want to be clear. It is 0.8 of a mile. It should take 10 minutes.
So 2 hours later I finally make it. 5 inches of snow had fallen, and no streets had been plowed. None. There was no one directing traffic. The snow came down for hours, and Chicago was left to fend for itself. My car was running out of gas, and the battery kept wanting to die, so I couldn’t listen to the radio or use my rear defroster, or have my headlights on for fear that I would end up like that Geo Prism next to me that just had to get left there. I didn’t have to pee when I got in my car, but by the time I finally made it to Brea, I’d had to unbutton my pants I had to go so bad. It was awesome. I felt calm and collected and in no way utterly fucking stressed out.
Obviously we didn’t make it to the show. Instead we ate fried food and double-fisted drinks at the bar by my house. Joined shortly thereafter by Josh who’d had a day himself. Fed and warmed by whiskey, we headed out and as I looked at the empty lot across from my house I mentioned (to gasps from Kansas City Hayes and Salt Lake City Anderson, respectively) that I’d never built a snowman. We dropped off our things, got our smoke and whiskey jackets on, and headed over. But the snow wouldn’t pack enough to make men. So now I know that’s a thing. What ensued instead were snow angels, some running (Brea) some jumping (Josh), and a wrestling match (Brea and AJ) which I totally won, bitches. Then hot cocoa. It was fuckin silly. I remember thinking, “Oh, holy shit, this is why people get high.”
So I now I know what it’s like to fling myself backwards into a huge mound of snow and leave my impression. I also know what it’s like to shake off a crappy day with good booze, better friends, and melted chocolate in a cup. That one’s a keeper.
Adventure #2: Drink brandy
Partners in crime: Andrew Swanson, The Inconvenience
Drink of choice: Brandy, dummy.
What I intended to be one classy evening of drinking brandy turned into a three-day haze, and all I can say is thank god I already had off work.
It all started Saturday night. I went to a killer evening of art and performance put on my dear friends at The Inconvenience, and after the show someone offered me a sip of brandy. From the little bottle that was kept tastefully warm in the pocket of his scummy jeans (you know, just like in medieval times). Drinking brandy was already on my list of things to do this year, so obviously I took him up on it. Being a person with manners I only took two sips, so I knew I’d have to get real the next day.
Sunday I trekked up to Andrew Swanson’s pad with a fresh bottle of Don Pedro brandy and a script that needed reading. Andrew had some work to do as well, and I envisioned a quiet evening in an armchair jotting notes with a snifter in one hand and a kitten on my lap. It ended up being a coffee mug, but other than that all went pretty much as planned. And let me tell you. That shit is delicious. It’s even better when it doesn’t come from the pocket of some drummer’s jeans after you’ve been slamming PBRs all night. Just trust me on that, no need to find out for yourself.
Monday (did I mention I already had all this time off work?) I had auditions and meetings all day, and a half bottle of the Don burning a hole my knapsack. Then a pal calls- he’s downloaded the new Louie CK movie, and he owns a dog, and do I want to pet a dog and watch Louie CK? Duh. So there went the rest of the bottle. And here’s what I learned. That shit does not make me feel drunk. And I slept like a hibernating bunny.
I’m AJ Ware, and I drink brandy now.
Adventure #1: Watch ‘The Goonies’
Partners in crime: Brea Hayes, Brendan Buckley, Pat Whalen
Drink of choice: Brooklyn Lager
Without knowing it, I somehow picked the exact perfect way to start off a year of adventures. I don’t say this lightly- I literally think my life has changed for the better having finally, after 29 years, watched ‘The Goonies’. It’s not just that I understand like, 20% more of what my friends are saying all the time, it’s not just that I’ve finally caught up with 1985, it’s not just that I finally know the importance of the Truffle Shuffle. It’s that that movie is AWESOME and filled in a little hole in me that I didn’t even know was there.
For all those who were concerned that I might not appreciate it properly because I’m not, you know, 11, and for the few who, like me, made it well past the age of 11 without having watched this flick- worry no longer. You can and will love this movie, and I pose the theory that the additional 18 years of unrequited curiosity and anticipation only made the experience that much more enjoyable. I mean, think about how much you love this movie. Now imagine seeing it for the very first time except you’re you now, you’re eating homemade mac n’ cheese, there’s a pile of Baby Ruths on the table, and you’re high (on life. High on life, mom). Now imagine three friends that you love very very much. Three friends that you’ve known for many years, that you’ve learned and fought and made art with. You’re sitting on a couch, there’s a dog, and you’re watching The Goonies. I mean, c’mon. You kinda wish you’d waited right?
So I’m ready, 2012. I’ve got caves to explore, pirate ships to discover, and bad guys to foil. There are planks to walk, lagoons to kiss in, and dammit guys, we’ve gotta save the Goondocks.
Down here it’s our time. Goonies never say die.
